A news item so stupid I had to mention it AKA Britsay Federlohanilton
Lindsay Lohan in talks to play Paris Hilton, with music by Britney Spears.
It cannot be real. This could never happen. I refuse to believe it. If this happens, the world will collapse under the weight of all the self-referential unintentional meta-irony.
The only way I will accept it is if they all three step into Seth Brundle's machine from The Fly and become one huge organism flashing three (or more?) shaved crotches every time they get out of their specially made limo-tank.
And besides, Nicole Richie should play Paris. Lindsay Lohan isn't skinny enough. Yet. Thanks, I Watch Stuff. Groan.
EDIT TO ADD:
The more I think about this project, the more questions/ideas I have. Such as:
- What about the part of the movie where Lindsay and Paris are friends? Would Lindsay play herself in a challenging dual role? Could Paris play Lindsay?
- Paris, Lindsay, and Britney have all attempted to sing and act with varying degrees of success. Could this be the breakthrough project that makes us all realize they are actually geniuses who just never found the right project?
- Did anyone ever see Tears and Laughter, the Joan and Melissa Rivers Story, in which each one plays herself? I really wish it was on DVD.
- Wouldn't the whole thing be better if it was done by drag queens?
- Why haven't Britney and Lindsay done horror movies? House of Wax was by far Paris's best work, especially considering the fact that her on-screen boyfriend was black, and in real life she has a tendency to drop the N-bomb.
- What the hell are Mary-Kate and Ashley doing lately, and why can't they play each other in a movie?
- Still no Jem movie. WTF?
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