Handwritten vacation entries transcribed, #9

I had no idea there were Cheers-themed restaurants, but I'm sitting in one at the St. Louis Airport, enjoying another in a long line of screwdrivers. I'm still not hungry after a sick breakfast of two cheeseburger patties with an egg and pan fries covered in chili, cheese, and onions. Reading the description, it seemed like there would just be a small dollop of chili on the potatoes, but the entire plate was covered. What should I expect from a place called Chili Mac's, though?

I think my favorite meal in St. Louis was at Dapper Dan's. It was a sketchy little dive with damn fine sandwiches, and a full bar. I'm afraid it won't last long. Property values in the neighborhood are surely skyrocketing as every building in sight is converted into loft apartments. We couldn't be sure, but we believe that's what's going on with the Chemical Building, which we had a great time sneaking into and poking around in. We found old signs, antique typewriters and furniture, and a dusty old elevator with a chair a phone. We checked most of the 13th floor before I chickened out and decided we should go.

The St. Louis City Museum, which I've posted about before and is the reason I came here in the first place, is even more amazing than I thought it would be, and totally worth the bumps and bruises we got as we climbed around. Traci was worse off, with multiple bruises on each knee, and to top it all off, she scraped her knee again at the Feisty Bulldog last night. Then she thought it would be a good idea if I smacked her kneecap on the scraped spot with the blunt end of a lighter. I have a picture of her screaming in pain, but I wish we had a video instead. Not only because we both laughed so long and hard that our faces ached, but because we spent all day today trying to remember why she said to hit her knee.

Speaking of pain, she gave me a small package of Aleve today in case I had another hangover, but I forgot to take it out of my pocket, and it set off the metal detector, sending me to secondary screening. Frankly, I've been searched more thoroughly on my way into raves.

Another fun stop was the Bowling Museum and Hall of Fame, which had surprisingly good exhibits about the history of bowling, and an insane gallery of painted portraits of female hall-of-famers. They also have four functional lanes, and you get four free frames of bowling, which can be upgraded to a full game for a dollar. I'm ashamed to admit I only bowled a 60-something, which is a far cry from my 130-ish average back in the day. I wanted to see the movie about bowling, but our timing wasn't so good.

We did see the documentary about the construction of the Gateway Arch during our visit there, which was as scary as it was fascinating. Watching construction dudes casually smoke a cigarette while balancing on a beam 600 feet up with no harness was creepy. They actually say in the film that 13 construction workers were expected to die on the job, and they were amazed when nobody did. 

Visiting the top of the arch is very different from other elevated attractions like the Space Needle. You go up, look out some teensy windows, and go back down. And that's all. However, its simplicity of design and the scale to which it was built makes it a stunning landmark. Now I must eat my chicken strips with a plastic fork because I'm in the secure area of the airport.

Handwritten vacation entries transcribed, #10

All the fun Traci and I had was balanced out by boredom and fatigue today. Her bus home was at 5:00pm, my flight's at 7:20. Yesterday, we thought it would be a good idea to get up early, have breakfast, do something, maybe get more food or drinks, and then leave. Neither of us slept well, and she was ill from having tons of beer last night, but our noon checkouts couldn't be argued with. We hoped to see a movie, but St. Louis doesn't have any theaters downtown. We got bad directions from a guy to a theater we never found, and ended up nearly falling asleep at a Starbucks. We finally decided to kill time by riding Metrolink to the end of the line in Illinois. That was about as interesting as it sounds.

I also ended up at the airport 2 hours early. I think the next time I take a trip, I might go home earlier on the final day. Without the hotel room as a home base, it's suddenly a lot less fun.

Handwritten vacation entries transcribed, #11

I'm now in the plane waiting to taxi out. A few trip highlights before we take off:

1) I took a Midol for a hangover. Traci assured me that it's fine for me to take, and that it won't shrivel my testicles or make me more sensitive. The fact that she so easily convinced me to hurt her knee--and that I laughed so hard and long about it--is evidence that I'm still as brash and misogynistic as ever.

2) The Gateway Arch is a national park, so they sell books and videos about other national parks. Traci and I overheard an employee having to deliver some crushing news to a customer: "Las Vegas is not a national park."

3) St. Louis is a VERY friendly city. Just about every person we encountered asked, "How you doing?"

4) We also saw the Wax Museum, which was ok. It was impressive how into their jobs the employees were. Especially one of them, he just went on and on in his spoooooky voice about the chaaaaamber of horror (gasp!). Some of the figures were really good, but the ones representing black people were consistently the most realistic. Except for Michael Jackson, but he doesn't count.

5) The phone charger jcii gave me quit working. The calls I made from my hotel to change my outgoing message and check for messages were about $14 each. What a waste, seeing as nobody left any messages. A co-worker from Kansas City was supposed to call and possibly meet up last night; I don't even know if she came to town. SUCKS.

Handwritten vacation entries transcribed, #12

Flying westward into the sunset is great, because you get that same sunset view for the duration of the flight, as long as the plane is able to keep up.

Handwritten vacation entries transcribed, #13

I'm at the cowboy bar at the Denver airport. They're playing Alanis Morrisette, and "Hand in my Pocket" sounds like a country song to me for the first time. I just saw them throw a chili bowl in the trash, which makes me hope I won't have any more chili burps tonight. 

I have seat 2D again this flight. Maybe Foot Girl will be there again. I'm not due in Seattle for almost four hours, and then I have the bus ride home. This sucks.

Some tool wearing headphones in the back keeps woo-ing and saying stuff that almost makes sense. I hope he gets chili in his lap. (note: he later was the last person to board my flight, and he was so wasted he ran into every single person in an aisle seat, myself included, on his way to his seat.)

Handwritten vacation entries transcribed, #14

I just discovered that the bar I thought had no name here at the Denver airport is actually called the Blue Sky Bar, which is funny, since Colorado has some of the brownest skies I've ever seen.

I wish I would have made it to the gay area of St. Louis if there is such a thing, but it's not like we sat around bored except for part of today. I missed out on a lot of my pre-trip planning time because I was sick all week, but still bucked up and went to work.

I have already finished the book I bought, and really enjoyed it. The format was casual and fun, and it was a quick, refreshing read. Refreshing because it lacked all the doom and gloom of so much of the stuff I've read.

A guy next to me is wearing a suit and a stupid yellow charity bracelet. The combination is stunningly bad. Nothing says "I'm a tool" like a bracelet that you show off because it benefits cancer research, but only costs a dollar. Why not quietly donate more? Oh, right. What would be in it for you? Conspicuous charity is like conspicuous consumption, only instead of just a Hummer, it's a Hummer with a stupid yellow ribbon magnet on it.

Handwritten vacation entries transcribed, #15

I had an excellent time watching the Game Show Network with Traci in my hotel room, and now, because they asked me to change seats to 11D, I'm watching free Game Show Network on the plane, and my first merlot (I'm now on the second) was also free. I'm exhausted, but also all blissed out.

Funnily enough, two of the commercials I've just seen were for MIDOL and ALEVE.