Hypocrite

[christopher575]

Last fall, a friend had a dinner party. It was fun, but I didn't know anyone there, so I actually spent quite a bit of time in the kitchen keeping him company, though I did mingle a bit. We had been out of touch for the next couple of weeks when I got a drunken late-night text from him along the lines of, "I invite you to a five-course dinner party and you can't even say thank you?!?"

Whoa, sparky! I figured he knew I appreciated it and had a great time since I complemented him constantly during the party and thanked him several times on my way out. It would be one thing entirely if we were the type of friends who talked every day, but it was very normal for us to go several weeks with no contact.

Anyway, I replied and explained that I understood he was going through a lot of hard stuff (he still is) and that I thought his anger was misdirected, and also that he didn't know me very well if he was expecting a physical thank-you card in the mail. I honestly haven't sent one since my high school graduation. That doesn't make me an ungrateful person, it just means I'm not a card person. I further explained that I understood he was drunk (it was very obvious by the texts and the blog posts he was also making) and that I wasn't mad and would happily forget the whole thing. He wouldn't have it. He told me to delete all contact info I had for him. 

And I think he made the right decision. If you look back at a party we had fun together at and you'll end our friendship because I didn't send you a card, we are simply too different.

We live a few blocks apart, and our paths to work intersect, so it's weird that I haven't seen him. Tuesday, it took a while to get across Olive, and I saw him crossing the street, presumably to go to Starbucks. Had I not been kept waiting to cross, we would have run into each other. As it was, he didn't see me. But last night I stopped by the tattoo shop to drop off some artwork and there he was in the waiting room. I said hi and asked how he was, and he wouldn't even speak to me. 

As far as I'm concerned, that makes him a complete hypocrite. If you're going to complain that someone is impolite for not sending you a thank-you card, you have no business flat-out ignoring somene who says hi to you. A quick, polite, 'fine, thank you" is expected in this case. To turn your nose up and your head away in silence is petty.

Comments

[wring.livejournal.com]

oh of all the petty things. i'd love to drop a friend who made a fuss about thankyou cards. i'm not a card person either. i always point it out to the bf that i got his cards from the dollar store cus i HATE spending money on that shit. when we were dating i printed out the Link cupcakes as a card :))



anyway. as i was saying, it's amazing how fallouts are caused by the pettiest of things.

[blueberryjoe.livejournal.com]

team douche!

[amznbert.livejournal.com]

People shouldn't do things for friends for thanks...you do them because they are your friend and you want too!

I am sorry you had to go though this but honestly you are better off with out that person and their drama in your life. Trust me on not needing drama in ones life...i just spent the last year trying to get rid of as much as i can from mine. I am finaly approching normal again and its not easy once you been dragged down into it to get out

[frogger414.livejournal.com]

If he's going to get all butthurt over you not sending a card thanking him for the invite, then he's not a friend worth having. So very petty. We have dinner parties often and the biggest thank you is first when people show up and if they enjoy dinner. And if they bring something over (which is usually the first question people ask when they are presented with an invite) that's also another way of them saying thank you. Ugh. I'm sorry.

[christopher575.livejournal.com]

I understand that when people go through sickness or family problems, most of them reach out to their friends, but a few will push them away instead. I hope he's doing well and has the support he needs.

[frogger414.livejournal.com]

You have such a good attitude. ilu

[doughynut.livejournal.com]

You never sent me a Thank You card for that double screwdriver I bought you.

Don't ever speak to me again. . . . .

[christopher575.livejournal.com]

Harumph!

[doughynut.livejournal.com]

Psych!

You should have replied, "Sorry Dad" to his initial text. But, you always were more considerate than myself.

[chunkems.livejournal.com]

did he send you a formal invitation in the mail for the party? (not that it matters)

anyway, what a weird thing to be so so butthurt about... his loss.

[christopher575.livejournal.com]

The invitation came in the form of an email. Didn't even include the date the first go-around!

[chunkems.livejournal.com]

hahaha what a fucking tool.

[my-ophelia.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've got low tolerange for people deciding that something is rude, simply because they get butthurt. Take responsibility for your own individual feelings, dude.

If he can't step back and see things from another perspective, you made the right choice.

[monsterbrain.livejournal.com]

Sounds like he's got some deep psychological issues. You're lucky/smart to not have that drama in your life anymore.

It reminds me a little bit of my mom's history. She'll have a friend and be all about them for months or years, then she'll take something perfectly innocent (or only mildly rude) that they said and stew about it for hours or days, then blow up at them for treating her so badly and being against her, and cut off the friendship completely.

The smart people take it with a grain of salt and see it for the psycho-shit that it is. Others just get hurt.

[badrobot68.livejournal.com]

Do they make a card that says "Thank You for sitting on my face the other night"?

[christopher575.livejournal.com]

They totally should.

[wasdely.livejournal.com]

Typical petty, resentful alcoholic.

Don't expect him to figure out where he's wrong, either. You've done the right thing every step of the way but that will only go so far.

[nicolemarieh.livejournal.com]

And I think he made the right decision. If you look back at a party we had fun together at and you'll end our friendship because I didn't send you a card, we are simply too different.

you said. plus just plain what a jerk. our society is so casual these days anyway, what an odd thing to even expect.

[retardomantaban.livejournal.com]

my friend dropped me because i couldn't come to her SECOND wedding. in april, in chicago, when i had other vacation plans the same dates.

What a cunt.

you're better off without him.

[christopher575.livejournal.com]

People who expect anyone to travel for their wedding are just plain rude. It's nice if someone can, but you should by no means expect it.

[electriclime.livejournal.com]

Wow! that is such an extreme reaction to not receiving a thank you card that I have to agree with you - you are two totally different people and his immature ways make you far better off without him.

[popcultureicon.livejournal.com]

Wait.
People expect thank you cards for dinner parties?
Really?

Shit, I am years behind!

[stomp-spit-yell.livejournal.com]

All I have to say is: What a dick. And... does he possibly have a drug problem and does he drink often?

[christopher575.livejournal.com]

I know for sure he doesn't have a drug problem. I can't say for sure how he's handling alcohol these days. He usually seemed to hold his own pretty well, though there were stories.

[stomp-spit-yell.livejournal.com]

And who the fuck sends thank you cards anymore?

[palomar.livejournal.com]

My former best friend is like this. He still lives in the same building as me, and not only does he not speak to me if our paths cross, but more than once he has gotten out of the elevator rather than have to share it with me. I have held doors open for him and said hello, and he won't even acknowledge my existence.

I used to be kind of sad about it, but now I just don't even care. You're a grown-ass man, and that's the way you choose to behave? And I'm the bad guy? Ooookay, buddy.

[gavin.livejournal.com]

I wonder if everyone else who came to his dinner party sent a thank you card to him, and if not, did he dump them all as friends as well?

[thisiserika.livejournal.com]

You should send him a thank you card that says "thank you" on the outside and on the inside it says "but go fuck yourself"

[mika-says.livejournal.com]

There is someone I wouldn't talk to at all if I saw her (but luckily she lives in Seattle), but the circumstances of her hurting my feelings were a wee bit more serious (long long boring story. Nothing about cards or dinner). But if it's about a card, yeah - PETTY! That guy's going to be disappointed a lot in his life.